Aliens and Shower Curtains
by Waywatcher
Summary: AU. One-shot. Gender-bender. Starfire manages to create an awfully embarrassing situation when he tries to celebrate Blorthog. Robyn blows a fuse and goes ballistic. Fun times right?


**Disclaimer:**** I don't own Teen Titans. So... Another one-shot with gender-bent Titans. I'll admit, the first one was fun to write, but this time I intend to focus solely on Robyn and Starfire. In order to resist temptation Changeling has been completely removed from the picture. She's up in Blacksoak visiting her "little sister". (Just assume that the events of Bobpocalypse occurred sooner in this universe than in the normal one)**

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><p>"Crow! Crow!"<p>

Starfire's voice sounds frantic as he pounds on the door. Crow looks up from his book, irritated.

"Please! You must help me!" The alien pleads, desperate. The sorcerer sighs and opens the door.

"What?" He snaps. Observing Starfire's panicked expression and shaking limbs, Crow comes to the conclusion that he might actually have a legitimate reason for bothering him.

"You must hide me!" He wails.

'Or not.' Crow thinks to himself in exasperation. "Why should I hide you?" He asks in an annoyed tone of voice. It is only then that he hears footsteps storming down an adjacent hallway.

Robyn is on a warpath; and no matter how cold Crow may seem, he could never condemn his friend to face Robyn's wrath... Without know WHY.

"Fine. Hide under the bed." The pale boy sighs.

"Thank you friend!" Starfire whispers and practically throws him aside and dives under the bed.

Crow picks himself up just in time to see a red-faced Robyn stop at his door.

"Have you seen Starfire?" She hisses.

"Yes" Crow responds dryly. Starfire freezes in terror beneath the bed. Was his friend really selling him out? "He ran past just a minute ago." The alien breaths a tiny sigh of relief.

Robyn growls and charges down the hallway in the direction the pale Titan was pointing. Crow watches her leave, minorly amused.

"Thank you friend Crow." Starfire says quickly. "I shall be going now..." He trails off when Crow raises and eyebrow and shuts the door.

"I don't think so." The sorcerer says in a flat voice. "I covered for you, so you'll have to tell me EXACTLY what happened, and don't you dare lie to me. I can read minds, remember?"

Starfire shrinks back and looks embarrassed. "Well... I was hoping to celebrate Blorthog with all of you, so I went looking for Robyn first. But she was..."

###

"I CAN'T BELIEVE HIM!" Robyn roars. "THAT PERVERTED, NONSENSICAL, INFINITELY CUTE, COWARDLY..." Robyn continues to vent as she paces the length of the room.

Cyborg sighs. "If you keep this up you're going to bore a hole in my floor."

"Grrr..." Robyn holds her arms stiffly at her sides, as she stops moving; her hands are curled into claws.

"Now, would you mind telling me what happened WITHOUT the swearing and ranting?" The metallic girl says calmly, handing Robyn a small glass of water.

The masked girl takes a deep breath and lets it out. Her body relaxes slightly and the stiffness leaves her limbs. She downs the glass in a single go and places it on the work bench next to her.

"I was taking a shower." She starts before immediately stopping and getting sidetracked. "Why do we only have one of those anyways?"

"I didn't think of it as important when we were making the Tower." Cyborg explains patiently. "Continue with the story."

"Right. I was taking a shower, and the door was CLEARLY locked, when Starfire bursts in yelling something about an alien holiday called Blorthog. I yelled at him (okay, more like shrieked) to get out, but the damn pervert didn't leave. Instead he asked why I was yelling and assumed I was under attack." Robyn's face is positively on fire by this point. "Then he- he-"

"Yes?" Cyborg encourages softly. "He what?"

###

"YOU DID WHAT?!" Crow hollers. His face clearly shows his shock and disbelief. "Do you have a death wish?!" He hisses firmly. His eyes bore into the back of Starfire's head.

Starfire is curled up in a ball, hugging his knees and refusing to look at his friend due to his red face. "I-I thought she was being attacked so I tried to help..."

"How does ripping off the shower curtains count as helping?!" Crow face-palms; completely blown away by he stupidity of his teammate.

"I could not see my foe." Starfire complains, whining. "I did not wish to risk hitting friend Robyn!"

"Was her shouting "GET OUT" not an obvious enough indicator that she didn't want you there?" Crow demands.

"I thought she was speaking to an enemy." Starfire protests defensively. "I merely wished to be of assistance!"

"Ugh..." The sorcerer shakes his head. "What happened after that?"

###

"He- He looked around frantically, like he expected something to be attacking. After a moment he just turned to look at me and stared." Robyn recounts, face still on fire.

"Well, do you blame him? He was probably confused. I imagine he also probably found you attractive." Cyborg comments, trying to calm down the angry Titan.

"That doesn't excuse the fact that he was staring!" Robyn growls.

Cyborg sighs. "What happened next?"

"He asked my where the enemy was."

"And then?"

"I yelled at him to leave again, and he refused saying that I should not face my foes alone."

"Oh dear."

"Oh dear is right! He demanded that I stay back so he could search the room, and when I wouldn't listen he grabbed me around the waist and tried to haul me out of the room."

###

"Stupid. Stupid. Stupid." Each word was emphasized by Crow banging his head against the wall.

"I was trying to save her!" Starfire pleads weakly. "Surely I was not in the wrong?"

"You tried to carry a naked girl out of the shower. What exactly were you expecting?" The sorcerer rubs a sore spot of his forehead caused by the banging.

Starfire shifts uncomfortably. "Thank you?"

Crow sighs. "Starfire, if someone on YOUR planet tried to haul you out of the shower, would you be thankful?"

"Of course not."

"See!" Crow threw his arms up in exasperation.

"We do not have showers on Tamaran."

...

"So you didn't even know why she was in the shower to begin with?"

"It is so one can put water over their head in private?"

"It is in order to get CLEAN Starfire."

"Oh... So I was being very rude?"

"Try "inappropriate" or "perverted". Those fit the situation better."

"Oh... So my next statement did not help matters much, yes?"

"What was your next "statement"?" Crow asks wearily.

"Well..." Starfire shifts uncomfortably.

###

"AHAHAHAHA!" Cyborg rolls around on the floor, howling and holding her stomach. "That is the best thing I've heard all week!"

"It's not funny!" Robyn protests. She gives Cyborg the death-glare as she tries to pull herself back together.

"Like hell it's not! "You must cease playing and help me locate our foe?" That's PERFECT!" Cyborg gasps for breath and clutches the work bench to help support her weight.

"I'm gonna rip you a new one if you don't cut it out." The masked girl threatens. She raises a fist and Cyborg puts a great deal of effort in to stop her laughter.

"Sorry Rob, but coming from someone as innocent as Star that just sounds like it would be hilarious." Cyborg wheezes, still recovering. She takes a moment to compose herself before continuing her line of questions. "So, how badly did you beat him after that?"

"I didn't beat him!" Robyn protests. "I might have... Yelled, clawed at him, and chased him around the tower after I got my clothes back on."

"Aww, don't tell me that's the end!" Cyborg whines. A sly grin is still plastered on her face.

"W-Well I suppose we exchanged a few more words before I... Lost it."

"Try "Went ballistic"." Cyborg snickers.

###

"I honestly can't believe you said that." Crow says, stunned. "You actually said that to a girl who was stark naked and just got out of the shower."

"Yes." Starfire confirms miserably.

"Please tell me that's all." Crow pleads, "Oh Azar, let this tortuous recounting be over."

"We did... Share a few more phrases." The alien admits.

"Of course; thoroughly embarrassing Robyn wasn't bad enough, you had to make a fool of yourself afterwards." Crow mutters, slapping a hand on his forehead.

Starfire blushs fiercely before continuing. "She said that she was not playing and that I had better be doing the leaving in five seconds or something bad would happen. I asked if there was a bomb and she replied that the only "bomb" was herself, and that she was going to go off if I didn't depart." Starfire stops here for a moment, looking incredible uncomfortable.

"That isn't it?" Crow asks, feeling dread pool in his stomach.

Starfire shook his head before staring at the floor.

"Wait... You didn't! Azar save you! You did NOT do what I think you did!" The pale sorcerer looks mortified.

Starfire gulps. "I fear so."

"You are royally screwed my friend."

###

Cyborg stares unmoving, eyes wide and twitching. Robyn sits back after explaining, looking like she would rather have died than admit what happened.

The mouth of the metallic teen curves upward, and her hands join her eyes in their twitching. A broken breath forces it's way out of her mouth and her eyes water. A deep rumbling laughter suddenly erupts from her mouth as she doubles over.

Robyn sighs and leans back, knowing there is nothing she can do to stop her fellow Titan.

###

"Okay, when she said she was a bomb, SHE DID NOT MEAN IT LITERALLY!" Crow roars.

Starfire quails in fear.

"You didn't see any wires on her, so WHY did you try to "disarm" her?!" The sorcerer shrieks in an unnaturally shrill voice.

"I was trying to help." Starfire whimpers in a fearful tone; using his standard excuse to little effect.

"As far as she's concerned you might as well have been groping her!" Crow is basically pulling his hair out by this point. "What possessed you to think she was being serious?!"

"I still am yet to grasp the concept of your earthly expression." Starfire whispers dejectedly. "I was not aware she was not speaking the truth. I truly was worried she was in danger."

Crow manages to reign in a number of nasty comments for a moment to see it from Starfire's point of view. His friend was randomly yelling when he entered the room, she freaked out more when he got close, and THEN started saying that she was a bomb at that he had to leave immediately.

The sorcerer sighs. "I guess it was partially both of your faults: yours for being completely oblivious and not using common sense, her's for not realizing what she was saying and over-reacting." He gives the depressed Starfire a sympathetic look. "I'm sure she'll forgive you. Cyborg will calm her down. She'll understand."

"Are you positive?" The alien whispers. "The last time I did something to embarrassment her she said that if I ever did something like that again she would "never forgive me"."

"She wasn't serious Star. She's too nice to hold it against you for long."

"So it was just another one of your earthly "expressions"?"

"Not exactly." Crow smiles slightly. "It's called sarcasm, or joking." He extends a hand to the alien on the floor, who takes it and hauls himself to his feet. "I hear she likes mint ice cream."

"Why is that relevant?" Starfire inquires.

"Even if it was an accident, girls seems to like peace offerings. They always think they're right, even when they aren't." Crow's tone is undefinable.

"That is a joke... Yes?" Starfire asks wearily.

"Maybe. I still haven't figured it out myself." The sorcerer admits. "Let's get going. We might be able to get to the store before the lunch rush."

The two males exit the tower to buy Starfire's "peace offering". It seems all will be well in Titans Tower once more.

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><p><strong>One-shot complete. The second story in this gender-bender series. I might make a habit out of this. Though don't expect stories like this too often. Making a full story about stuff like this would be difficult, so I'll probably stick to small stories for now.<strong>


End file.
